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A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
2008年7月9日星期三
Psychological Test trolley bag
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The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.
Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"
Sharing everything duffel bag
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A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."
Keys to Success travel bag
travel bag duffel bag trolley bag One day a father was teaching his son and said, "The keys to your success are keeping your word and cleverness. Once you give somebody a promise, you must carry it out on matter what will happen. This is called 'keeping one's words.'
"What is cleverness?" asked his son.
"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
"What is cleverness?" asked his son.
"Cleverness is that you'll never make such a promise, " the father answered.
Shave head shoulder bag
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Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."
Recently, a man walked into my barbershop asking how much for a haircut. "Eight dollars," I answered. "And for a shave?" "Five dollars." "All right," he said, settling into the barber chair. "Shave my head."
I Wasn't Listening nonwoven bag
sports bag nonwoven bag trolley bag Mother asked her little daughter who was reading a book. "What are you reading, dear?" "I don't know." the little girl answered. "You don't know? But you were reading aloud, so you must know." "I was reading aloud, mummy, but i wasn't listening," explained the child.
Synonym=Bad Language sports bag
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One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother, "Mom, what is a synonym?" "What? You even don't know what a synonym is? How foolish you are. When I describe you as foolish, I mean you're silly, stupid. Now you know what a synonym is ?" "Yes, a synonym is using bad language." The child concluded.
One day a ten-year-old child asked his mother, "Mom, what is a synonym?" "What? You even don't know what a synonym is? How foolish you are. When I describe you as foolish, I mean you're silly, stupid. Now you know what a synonym is ?" "Yes, a synonym is using bad language." The child concluded.
A Girl Just Like Mother pencil bag
school bag pencil bag laptop bag No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother． A friend gave him advice． “Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her． So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl．He told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother．And just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened？” “Nothing，”said the young man．“My father hates her！”
I Can't school bag
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Mr. and Mrs . Shaw were on safari in Africa. Walking through the jungle. Suddenly a huge lion sprang out of the bushes and seized Mrs. Shaw , dragging her off. “Shoot!” she screamed to her husband,” Shoot!” “ I can’t !” he shouted back, “ I’ve run out of film!”
Mr. and Mrs . Shaw were on safari in Africa. Walking through the jungle. Suddenly a huge lion sprang out of the bushes and seized Mrs. Shaw , dragging her off. “Shoot!” she screamed to her husband,” Shoot!” “ I can’t !” he shouted back, “ I’ve run out of film!”
A Useful Lesson tote bag
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In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar． Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．” “But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”
In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar． Mr． Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often，but he never took his son，Tom，because he was too young． Then when Tom had his eighteenth birthday， Mr．Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time．They drank for half an hour， and then Mr．Thompson said to his son，“Now， Tom，I want to teach you a useful lesson．You must always be careful not to drink too much． And how do you know when you've had enough？ Well， I'll tell you．Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar？ When they seem to have become four，you've had enough and should go home．” “But， Dad，” said Tom，“I can only see one light at the end of the bar．”
Who Should Be Given the Gift? tote bag
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A father of five children came home with a toy,summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,"Who is the most obedient,never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?" he inquired. There was silence,and then a chorus of voices:"You play with it, Daddy!"
A father of five children came home with a toy,summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present,"Who is the most obedient,never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?" he inquired. There was silence,and then a chorus of voices:"You play with it, Daddy!"
Wit in Childhood shopping bag
shopping bag tote bag travel bag An elderly gentleman being, one evening, in the company of some personswho were much amused at the witty sayings of a child , said to some one near him, that witty children usually made stupid men. The child heard him and said to him: "Sir, you were very witty, no doubt when you were young."
Wit in Childhood shopping bag
shopping bag tote bag travel bag An elderly gentleman being, one evening, in the company of some personswho were much amused at the witty sayings of a child , said to some one near him, that witty children usually made stupid men. The child heard him and said to him: "Sir, you were very witty, no doubt when you were young."
Pig or Witch cosmetic bag
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A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "PIG!!" The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "WITCH(女巫)!!" They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. If only men would listen.
Chicken soup handbag
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Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The hospital worker said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." Regardless, the patient refused to eat it. That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Joe. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. He told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind!"
Joe was in the hospital and it was time for lunch. He looks at his lunch and says, "I don't like chicken soup, bring something else." The hospital worker said, "It's good for you, the doctor said you should have it." Regardless, the patient refused to eat it. That night, a patient in the room with Joe had a bad stomach pain so the nurses came in to give him an enema. By mistake, they gave the enema to Joe. The following week, when he was leaving the hospital, a new patient asked him how he liked the hospital. He told him, "Well, the hospital itself is pretty good, but they're very strict about their food. when they bring up chicken soup you better eat it, or else they'll come back in the middle of the night and shove it up your behind!"
Free advice? water bag
cooler bag water bag laptop bag A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
My Car Takes Full Service Only!! cooler bag
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A young woman was sitting in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally, two men walked up to her. “I’m out of gas,” she purred. “Could you push me to a service station?” They readilyput their muscles to the car and rolled it for several blocks. After a while one looked up, exhausted, only to see that they had just passed a filling station. “How come you didn’t turn in?” he yelled. “I never go there,” the woman shouted back. “They don’t have full service!”* *A full-service station is one where the personnel provides gasoline, windshield cleaning, oil check, everything –so the customer does not need to step out of the car.
A young woman was sitting in her stalled car, waiting for help. Finally, two men walked up to her. “I’m out of gas,” she purred. “Could you push me to a service station?” They readilyput their muscles to the car and rolled it for several blocks. After a while one looked up, exhausted, only to see that they had just passed a filling station. “How come you didn’t turn in?” he yelled. “I never go there,” the woman shouted back. “They don’t have full service!”* *A full-service station is one where the personnel provides gasoline, windshield cleaning, oil check, everything –so the customer does not need to step out of the car.
The Same Action Yields the Same Result portfolio
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A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest,and made an appointment with the pilot to come back andfetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."
A couple of hunters chartered a small plane to fly them to a forest,and made an appointment with the pilot to come back andfetch them in about two weeks. At the end of the two weeks, they had shot a lot of animals that they wanted to load onto the plane. But the pilot said, "This plane won't be able to take more than one wild buffalo. You'll have to leave the others behind." Then the hunters protested, saying, "But last year, another pilot with the same airplane let us take two buffalos and some other animals in the plane as well."So the new pilot thought about it. He was a little bit skeptical, but finally he said, "OK, since you did it last year, I guess this year we can do it again." Then he loaded the two buffalos and a few other animals in, and the plane took off. Five minutes later, it crashed in a neighboring area.The three men climbed out and looked around, and one hunter said to the other, "Where do you think we are now?" The second one surveyed the area and said, "I think we're about one mile to the left of the place we crashed last year."
I Wasn't Asleep hydration pack
hydration pack portfolio travel bag When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
Do you think it's the light that's attracting them? drawstring backpack
backpack drawstring backpack trolley bag Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor? " "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
They're All in the Same Boat backpack
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Three men were sitting on a bench in the park.
The middle one was reading a newspaper, and
the others were pretending to fish. They baited
imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their
catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch
the spectacle and asked the man in the middle
if he knew the other two. “Oh, yes,
they're my friends!”
“In that case,” the police officer warned him,
“you had better get them out of here.”
“Yes, Sir!” the man replied, and
he began rowing furiously.
Three men were sitting on a bench in the park.
The middle one was reading a newspaper, and
the others were pretending to fish. They baited
imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their
catch. A passing policeman stopped to watch
the spectacle and asked the man in the middle
if he knew the other two. “Oh, yes,
they're my friends!”
“In that case,” the police officer warned him,
“you had better get them out of here.”
“Yes, Sir!” the man replied, and
he began rowing furiously.
Kinder Words Were Never Spoken student bag
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A man went into a restaurant in a strange city and
asked the waiter for some food. The waiter asked
him what he wanted. Since the man was kind of
homesick and lonely, he said, “How about a
meatloaf, some bread and a kind word.” When
the waiter returned with the meatloaf and the
bread, the man said, “Where's the good word
for me?” The waiter put down the meatloaf
and sighed, then whispered into the man's ear,
“Don't eat the meatloaf!”
A man went into a restaurant in a strange city and
asked the waiter for some food. The waiter asked
him what he wanted. Since the man was kind of
homesick and lonely, he said, “How about a
meatloaf, some bread and a kind word.” When
the waiter returned with the meatloaf and the
bread, the man said, “Where's the good word
for me?” The waiter put down the meatloaf
and sighed, then whispered into the man's ear,
“Don't eat the meatloaf!”
The High Cost of Living briefcase
briefcase student bag laptop bag There was once a person who was very stingy. One day he tried to cross a river by himself, but he slipped because the current was extremely strong. And then the current swepthim away, down the middle of the river. So he shouted, "Can anyone help me? I'll give you money!" There was a person on a boatnearby and he said, "OK. For fifty dollars I'll help you." But the man in the river replied, "Fifty dollars! That's too expensive. I'll giveyou twenty." So the person on the boat said,"No, no, that's too cheap." By now the manin the river was trying very hard to breatheand was even swallowing some of the riverwater. So he said, "OK, OK, thirty dollars!" But the person on the boat said, "No, no.Forty dollars is my last price." And the manin the water said,"I - I - I'd rather die!"
Are You Serious? computer bag
There's a man who took his wife to see the movies. That day was a Sunday and it wasvery crowded, everyone was queuing to buy the tickets. So he and his wife were also in the queue, sweating. Suddenly, someone just punched him from behind. He was so angry, and already so mad and with his nerves on edge. He said, "Are you serious, man?!" The man that stood behind him was an ex-world champion boxer. So he looked at him and said, "Yes, serious, so what?" The man was small and skinny.
He looked back, really looked at him now,studying him, he saw his arm muscles, just bigger than his whole body put together. So, he just kind of smiled and said. "It's all right, I hate people who are not serious.
He looked back, really looked at him now,studying him, he saw his arm muscles, just bigger than his whole body put together. So, he just kind of smiled and said. "It's all right, I hate people who are not serious.
What Does She See in Him? laptop bag
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A husband and wife were watching a TV show one night in which a wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he was cheating on her. So, the husband asked the wife if she would ever do that to him. The wife said, “Yes, of course I would! Not so much to find out about the other woman, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you!”
A husband and wife were watching a TV show one night in which a wife hired a private detective to follow her husband and see if he was cheating on her. So, the husband asked the wife if she would ever do that to him. The wife said, “Yes, of course I would! Not so much to find out about the other woman, but to see if I could find out what she saw in you!”
Extra Service trolley luggage
trolley bag trolley luggage laptop bag A cashier sat near the entrance of a bank. Every day people came in to ask him the time. Finally, he couldn't bear it anymore, so he bought a big clock and put it in front of him. After that day, people kept coming in and asking him, "Is that clock accurate?"
Seeing in Multiplex is Confusing! trolley bag
trolley bag trolley luggage laptop bag There once was a man who drank a lot and came home drunk every night. And his wife complained, saying, “I don’t understand how someone can just keep drinking without being thirsty! I can’t understand anyone like that.” So the man, who’d already had a few bottles too many, said, “Well, I don’t understand you either. Why is it that everytime I come home you have to bring home four other women who look exactly like you?”
My First and My Last duffel bag
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When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks. George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go." They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air. When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane." Gerogy was very surprised and said, "Two trips?" "Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
An Excellent Use Of Books travel bag
travel bag duffel bag trolley bag Once there was an egghead with his servant. One day, he told his servant to bring some books. The servant took two or three books that he considered to be the most famous, but the master said, "Not enough." The servant got one more book, but the master still said, "Not enough! Go get three more." After the servant did this, he said, "Now that's it." The servant asked, "How can you read so many books in such a short time? You kept saying 'not enough,' 'not enough.'" The egghead replied, "I'm not reading them. I'm using them as a pillow."
2008年7月2日星期三
The Fox and the Mosquitoes travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A Fox after crossing a river got its tail entangled in a bush,and could not move.A number of Mosquitoes seeing its plightsettled upon it and enjoyed a good meal undisturbed by its tail.A hedgehog strolling by took pity upon the Fox and went up to him:"You are in a bad way, neighbour," said the hedgehog; "shall Irelieve you by driving off those Mosquitoes who are sucking yourblood?"
"Thank you, Master Hedgehog," said the Fox, "but I wouldrather not."
"Why, how is that?" asked the hedgehog.
"Well, you see," was the answer, "these Mosquitoes have hadtheir fill; if you drive these away, others will come with freshappetite and bleed me to death."
"Thank you, Master Hedgehog," said the Fox, "but I wouldrather not."
"Why, how is that?" asked the hedgehog.
"Well, you see," was the answer, "these Mosquitoes have hadtheir fill; if you drive these away, others will come with freshappetite and bleed me to death."
The Fox Without a Tail travel bag
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It happened that a Fox caught its tail in a trap, and instruggling to release himself lost all of it but the stump.Atfirst he was ashamed to show himself among his fellow foxes.Butat last he determined to put a bolder face upon his misfortune,and summoned all the foxes to a general meeting to consider aproposal which he had to place before them.When they hadassembled together the Fox proposed that they should all do awaywith their tails.He pointed out how inconvenient a tail was whenthey were pursued by their enemies, the dogs; how much it was inthe way when they desired to sit down and hold a friendlyconversation with one another.He failed to see any advantage incarrying about such a useless encumbrance."That is all verywell," said one of the older foxes; "but I do not think you wouldhave recommended us to dispense with our chief ornament if you hadnot happened to lose it yourself."
Distrust interested advice.
It happened that a Fox caught its tail in a trap, and instruggling to release himself lost all of it but the stump.Atfirst he was ashamed to show himself among his fellow foxes.Butat last he determined to put a bolder face upon his misfortune,and summoned all the foxes to a general meeting to consider aproposal which he had to place before them.When they hadassembled together the Fox proposed that they should all do awaywith their tails.He pointed out how inconvenient a tail was whenthey were pursued by their enemies, the dogs; how much it was inthe way when they desired to sit down and hold a friendlyconversation with one another.He failed to see any advantage incarrying about such a useless encumbrance."That is all verywell," said one of the older foxes; "but I do not think you wouldhave recommended us to dispense with our chief ornament if you hadnot happened to lose it yourself."
Distrust interested advice.
The Frog and the Ox travel bag
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"Oh Father," said a little Frog to the big one sitting by theside of a pool, "I have seen such a terrible monster!It was asbig as a mountain, with horns on its head, and a long tail, and ithad hoofs divided in two."
"Tush, child, tush," said the old Frog, "that was only FarmerWhite's Ox.It isn't so big either; he may be a little bit tallerthan I, but I could easily make myself quite as broad; just yousee."So he blew himself out, and blew himself out, and blewhimself out."Was he as big as that?" asked he.
"Oh, much bigger than that," said the young Frog.
Again the old one blew himself out, and asked the young one ifthe Ox was as big as that.
"Bigger, father, bigger," was the reply.
So the Frog took a deep breath, and blew and blew and blew,and swelled and swelled and swelled.And then he said: "I'm surethe Ox is not as big as But at this moment he burst.
Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction.
"Oh Father," said a little Frog to the big one sitting by theside of a pool, "I have seen such a terrible monster!It was asbig as a mountain, with horns on its head, and a long tail, and ithad hoofs divided in two."
"Tush, child, tush," said the old Frog, "that was only FarmerWhite's Ox.It isn't so big either; he may be a little bit tallerthan I, but I could easily make myself quite as broad; just yousee."So he blew himself out, and blew himself out, and blewhimself out."Was he as big as that?" asked he.
"Oh, much bigger than that," said the young Frog.
Again the old one blew himself out, and asked the young one ifthe Ox was as big as that.
"Bigger, father, bigger," was the reply.
So the Frog took a deep breath, and blew and blew and blew,and swelled and swelled and swelled.And then he said: "I'm surethe Ox is not as big as But at this moment he burst.
Self-conceit may lead to self-destruction.
The Frogs Complaint Against the Sun travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag ONCE UPON A TIME, when the Sun announced his intention to take awife, the Frogs lifted up their voices in clamor to the sky. Jupiter, disturbed by the noise of their croaking, inquired thecause of their complaint.One of them said, "The Sun, now whilehe is single, parches up the marsh, and compels us to diemiserably in our arid homes.What will be our future conditionif he should beget other suns?'
The Frogs Desiring a King travel bag
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The Frogs were living as happy as could be in a marshy swampthat just suited them; they went splashing about caring for nobodyand nobody troubling with them.But some of them thought thatthis was not right, that they should have a king and a properconstitution, so they determined to send up a petition to Jove togive them what they wanted."Mighty Jove," they cried, "send untous a king that will rule over us and keep us in order."Jovelaughed at their croaking, and threw down into the swamp a hugeLog, which came downrplashto the swamp.The Frogswere frightened out of their lives by the commotion made in theirmidst, and all rushed to the bank to look at the horrible monster;but after a time, seeing that it did not move, one or two of theboldest of them ventured out towards the Log, and even dared totouch it; still it did not move.Then the greatest hero of theFrogs jumped upon the Log and commenced dancing up and down uponit, thereupon all the Frogs came and did the same; and for sometime the Frogs went about their business every day without takingthe slightest notice of their new King Log lying in their midst.But this did not suit them, so they sent another petition to Jove,and said to him, "We want a real king; one that will really ruleover us."Now this made Jove angry, so he sent among them a bigStork that soon set to work gobbling them all up.Then the Frogsrepented when too late.
Better no rule than cruel rule.
The Frogs were living as happy as could be in a marshy swampthat just suited them; they went splashing about caring for nobodyand nobody troubling with them.But some of them thought thatthis was not right, that they should have a king and a properconstitution, so they determined to send up a petition to Jove togive them what they wanted."Mighty Jove," they cried, "send untous a king that will rule over us and keep us in order."Jovelaughed at their croaking, and threw down into the swamp a hugeLog, which came downrplashto the swamp.The Frogswere frightened out of their lives by the commotion made in theirmidst, and all rushed to the bank to look at the horrible monster;but after a time, seeing that it did not move, one or two of theboldest of them ventured out towards the Log, and even dared totouch it; still it did not move.Then the greatest hero of theFrogs jumped upon the Log and commenced dancing up and down uponit, thereupon all the Frogs came and did the same; and for sometime the Frogs went about their business every day without takingthe slightest notice of their new King Log lying in their midst.But this did not suit them, so they sent another petition to Jove,and said to him, "We want a real king; one that will really ruleover us."Now this made Jove angry, so he sent among them a bigStork that soon set to work gobbling them all up.Then the Frogsrepented when too late.
Better no rule than cruel rule.
The Quack Frog travel bag
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A FROG once upon a time came forth from his home in the marsh andproclaimed to all the beasts that he was a learned physician,skilled in the use of drugs and able to heal all diseases. A Foxasked him, "How can you pretend to prescribe for others, when youare unable to heal your own lame gait and wrinkled skin?'
A FROG once upon a time came forth from his home in the marsh andproclaimed to all the beasts that he was a learned physician,skilled in the use of drugs and able to heal all diseases. A Foxasked him, "How can you pretend to prescribe for others, when youare unable to heal your own lame gait and wrinkled skin?'
The Rich Man and the Tanner travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A RICH MAN lived near a Tanner, and not being able to bear theunpleasant smell of the tan-yard, he pressed his neighbor to goaway. The Tanner put off his departure from time to time, sayingthat he would leave soon. But as he still continued to stay, astime went on, the rich man became accustomed to the smell, andfeeling no manner of inconvenience, made no further complaints.
2008年6月30日星期一
The Farmer and His Sons travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A FATHER, being on the point of death, wished to be sure that hissons would give the same attention to his farm as he himself hadgiven it.He called them to his bedside and said, "My sons,there is a great treasure hid in one of my vineyards."The sons,after his death, took their spades and mattocks and carefully dugover every portion of their land.They found no treasure, butthe vines repaid their labor by an extraordinary andsuperabundant crop.
The Farmer and the Fox travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A FARMER, who bore a grudge against a Fox for robbing his poultryyard, caught him at last, and being determined to take an amplerevenge, tied some rope well soaked in oil to his tail, and setit on fire.The Fox by a strange fatality rushed to the fieldsof the Farmer who had captured him.It was the time of the wheatharvest; but the Farmer reaped nothing that year and returnedhome grieving sorely.
The Farmer and the Stork travel bag
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A FARMER placed nets on his newly-sown plowlands and caught anumber of Cranes, which came to pick up his seed.With them hetrapped a Stork that had fractured his leg in the net and wasearnestly beseeching the Farmer to spare his life."Pray saveme, Master," he said, "and let me go free this once.My brokenlimb should excite your pity.Besides, I am no Crane, I am aStork, a bird of excellent character; and see how I love andslave for my father and mother.Look too, at my feathers--they are not the least like those of a Crane."The Farmer laughed aloud and said, "It may be all as you say, I only know this:I have taken you with these robbers, the Cranes, and you must die in their company."
Birds of a feather flock together.
A FARMER placed nets on his newly-sown plowlands and caught anumber of Cranes, which came to pick up his seed.With them hetrapped a Stork that had fractured his leg in the net and wasearnestly beseeching the Farmer to spare his life."Pray saveme, Master," he said, "and let me go free this once.My brokenlimb should excite your pity.Besides, I am no Crane, I am aStork, a bird of excellent character; and see how I love andslave for my father and mother.Look too, at my feathers--they are not the least like those of a Crane."The Farmer laughed aloud and said, "It may be all as you say, I only know this:I have taken you with these robbers, the Cranes, and you must die in their company."
Birds of a feather flock together.
The Father and His Sons travel bag
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A FATHER had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelingamong themselves.When he failed to heal their disputes by hisexhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustrationof the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day toldthem to bring him a bundle of sticks.When they had done so, heplaced the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession,and ordered them to break it in pieces.They tried with alltheir strength, and were not able to do it.He next opened thefaggot, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again putthem into his sons' hands, upon which they broke them easily.Hethen addressed them in these words:"My sons, if you are of onemind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot,uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you aredivided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as thesesticks."
A FATHER had a family of sons who were perpetually quarrelingamong themselves.When he failed to heal their disputes by hisexhortations, he determined to give them a practical illustrationof the evils of disunion; and for this purpose he one day toldthem to bring him a bundle of sticks.When they had done so, heplaced the faggot into the hands of each of them in succession,and ordered them to break it in pieces.They tried with alltheir strength, and were not able to do it.He next opened thefaggot, took the sticks separately, one by one, and again putthem into his sons' hands, upon which they broke them easily.Hethen addressed them in these words:"My sons, if you are of onemind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this faggot,uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies; but if you aredivided among yourselves, you will be broken as easily as thesesticks."
The Fighting Cocks and the Eagle travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag TWO GAME COCKS were fiercely fighting for the mastery of thefarmyard.One at last put the other to flight.The vanquishedCock skulked away and hid himself in a quiet corner, while theconqueror, flying up to a high wall, flapped his wings and crowedexultingly with all his might.An Eagle sailing through the airpounced upon him and carried him off in his talons.Thevanquished Cock immediately came out of his corner, and ruledhenceforth with undisputed mastery.
Pride goes before destruction.
Pride goes before destruction.
2008年6月26日星期四
The Birds, the Beasts, and the Bat travel bag
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THE BIRDS waged war with the Beasts, and each were by turns theconquerors.A Bat, fearing the uncertain issues of the fight,always fought on the side which he felt was the strongest.Whenpeace was proclaimed, his deceitful conduct was apparent to bothcombatants.Therefore being condemned by each for his treachery,he was driven forth from the light of day, and henceforthconcealed himself in dark hiding-places, flying always alone andat night.
He winds up friendless who plays both sides against the middle
THE BIRDS waged war with the Beasts, and each were by turns theconquerors.A Bat, fearing the uncertain issues of the fight,always fought on the side which he felt was the strongest.Whenpeace was proclaimed, his deceitful conduct was apparent to bothcombatants.Therefore being condemned by each for his treachery,he was driven forth from the light of day, and henceforthconcealed himself in dark hiding-places, flying always alone andat night.
He winds up friendless who plays both sides against the middle
The Blind Man and the Whelp travel bag
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A BLIND MAN was accustomed to distinguishing different animals bytouching them with his hands.The whelp of a Wolf was broughthim, with a request that he would feel it, and say what it was. He felt it, and being in doubt, said:"I do not quite knowwhether it is the cub of a Fox, or the whelp of a Wolf, but thisI know full well.It would not be safe to admit him to thesheepfold."
Evil tendencies are shown in early life.
A BLIND MAN was accustomed to distinguishing different animals bytouching them with his hands.The whelp of a Wolf was broughthim, with a request that he would feel it, and say what it was. He felt it, and being in doubt, said:"I do not quite knowwhether it is the cub of a Fox, or the whelp of a Wolf, but thisI know full well.It would not be safe to admit him to thesheepfold."
Evil tendencies are shown in early life.
The Bowman and Lion travel bag
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A VERY SKILLFUL BOWMAN went to the mountains in search of game,but all the beasts of the forest fled at his approach.The Lionalone challenged him to combat.The Bowman immediately shot outan arrow and said to the Lion:"I send thee my messenger, thatfrom him thou mayest learn what I myself shall be when I assailthee."The wounded Lion rushed away in great fear, and when a Foxwho had seen it all happen told him to be of good courage and notto back off at the first attack he replied:"You counsel me invain; for if he sends so fearful a messenger, how shall I abidethe attack of the man himself?'
Be on guard against men who can strike from a distance.
A VERY SKILLFUL BOWMAN went to the mountains in search of game,but all the beasts of the forest fled at his approach.The Lionalone challenged him to combat.The Bowman immediately shot outan arrow and said to the Lion:"I send thee my messenger, thatfrom him thou mayest learn what I myself shall be when I assailthee."The wounded Lion rushed away in great fear, and when a Foxwho had seen it all happen told him to be of good courage and notto back off at the first attack he replied:"You counsel me invain; for if he sends so fearful a messenger, how shall I abidethe attack of the man himself?'
Be on guard against men who can strike from a distance.
The Boy and the Filberts travel bag
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A BOY put his hand into a pitcher full of filberts.He graspedas many as he could possibly hold, but when he tried to pull outhis hand, he was prevented from doing so by the neck of thepitcher.Unwilling to lose his filberts, and yet unable towithdraw his hand, he burst into tears and bitterly lamented hisdisappointment.A bystander said to him, "Be satisfied with halfthe quantity, and you will readily draw out your hand."
Do not attempt too much at once.
A BOY put his hand into a pitcher full of filberts.He graspedas many as he could possibly hold, but when he tried to pull outhis hand, he was prevented from doing so by the neck of thepitcher.Unwilling to lose his filberts, and yet unable towithdraw his hand, he burst into tears and bitterly lamented hisdisappointment.A bystander said to him, "Be satisfied with halfthe quantity, and you will readily draw out your hand."
Do not attempt too much at once.
The Boy Hunting Locusts travel bag
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A BOY was hunting for locusts.He had caught a goodly number,when he saw a Scorpion, and mistaking him for a locust, reachedout his hand to take him.The Scorpion, showing his sting, said:If you had but touched me, my friend, you would have lost me, andall your locusts too!"
A BOY was hunting for locusts.He had caught a goodly number,when he saw a Scorpion, and mistaking him for a locust, reachedout his hand to take him.The Scorpion, showing his sting, said:If you had but touched me, my friend, you would have lost me, andall your locusts too!"
The Brazier and His Dog travel bag
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A BRAZIER had a little Dog, which was a great favorite with hismaster, and his constant companion.While he hammered away athis metals the Dog slept; but when, on the other hand, he went todinner and began to eat, the Dog woke up and wagged his tail, asif he would ask for a share of his meal.His master one day,pretending to be angry and shaking his stick at him, said, "Youwretched little sluggard! what shall I do to you? While I amhammering on the anvil, you sleep on the mat; and when I begin toeat after my toil, you wake up and wag your tail for food.Doyou not know that labor is the source of every blessing, and thatnone but those who work are entitled to eat?'
A BRAZIER had a little Dog, which was a great favorite with hismaster, and his constant companion.While he hammered away athis metals the Dog slept; but when, on the other hand, he went todinner and began to eat, the Dog woke up and wagged his tail, asif he would ask for a share of his meal.His master one day,pretending to be angry and shaking his stick at him, said, "Youwretched little sluggard! what shall I do to you? While I amhammering on the anvil, you sleep on the mat; and when I begin toeat after my toil, you wake up and wag your tail for food.Doyou not know that labor is the source of every blessing, and thatnone but those who work are entitled to eat?'
The Buffoon and the Countryman travel bag
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At a country fair there was a Buffoon who made all the peoplelaugh by imitating the cries of various animals.He finished offby squeaking so like a pig that the spectators thought that he hada porker concealed about him.But a Countryman who stood by said:"Call that a pig s squeak!Nothing like it.You give me tilltomorrow and I will show you what it's like."The audiencelaughed, but next day, sure enough, the Countryman appeared on thestage, and putting his head down squealed so hideously that thespectators hissed and threw stones at him to make him stop."Youfools!" he cried, "see what you have been hissing," and held up alittle pig whose ear he had been pinching to make him utter thesqueals.
Men often applaud an imitation and hiss the real thing.
At a country fair there was a Buffoon who made all the peoplelaugh by imitating the cries of various animals.He finished offby squeaking so like a pig that the spectators thought that he hada porker concealed about him.But a Countryman who stood by said:"Call that a pig s squeak!Nothing like it.You give me tilltomorrow and I will show you what it's like."The audiencelaughed, but next day, sure enough, the Countryman appeared on thestage, and putting his head down squealed so hideously that thespectators hissed and threw stones at him to make him stop."Youfools!" he cried, "see what you have been hissing," and held up alittle pig whose ear he had been pinching to make him utter thesqueals.
Men often applaud an imitation and hiss the real thing.
The Bull and the Goat travel bag
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A BULL, escaping from a Lion, hid in a cave which some shepherdshad recently occupied.As soon as he entered, a He-Goat left inthe cave sharply attacked him with his horns.The Bull quietlyaddressed him:"Butt away as much as you will.I have no fear ofyou, but of the Lion.Let that monster go away and I will soonlet you know what is the respective strength of a Goat and aBull."
It shows an evil disposition to take advantage of a friend indistress.
A BULL, escaping from a Lion, hid in a cave which some shepherdshad recently occupied.As soon as he entered, a He-Goat left inthe cave sharply attacked him with his horns.The Bull quietlyaddressed him:"Butt away as much as you will.I have no fear ofyou, but of the Lion.Let that monster go away and I will soonlet you know what is the respective strength of a Goat and aBull."
It shows an evil disposition to take advantage of a friend indistress.
2008年6月17日星期二
Want to go into space? travel bag
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn?t return to Earth.The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer?s ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I?ll give you $1 million, I?ll keep $1 million, and we?ll send the engineer to Mars."
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn?t return to Earth.The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. "I want to give a million to my family," he explained, "and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer?s ear, "Three million dollars.""Why so much more than the others?" asked the interviewer.The lawyer replied, "If you give me $3 million, I?ll give you $1 million, I?ll keep $1 million, and we?ll send the engineer to Mars."
2008年6月16日星期一
Lawyers personal injury travel bag
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A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain."I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000.""I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'.""I'll take it," the attorney said.
A golfer hooked his tee shot over a hill and onto the next fairway. Walking toward his ball, he saw a man lying on the ground, groaning with pain."I'm an attorney," the wincing man said, "and this is going to cost you $5000.""I'm sorry, I'm really sorry," the concerned golfer replied. "But I did yell 'fore'.""I'll take it," the attorney said.
A love for material goods travel bag
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A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A love for material goods travel bag
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A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
A lawyer was driving his big BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. He miraculously survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
I just managed to settle an account! travel bag
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A young attorney who had taken over his father?s practice rushed home elated one night."Dad, listen," he shouted, "I?ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.""Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!"
An honest lawyer travel bag
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An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."
Did you make a donation? travel bag
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At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"He calls up the lawyer."Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm...""Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry...""Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me...""The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn't made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?"He calls up the lawyer."Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the United Way, would you like to do so?"The lawyer responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "Well, no sir, I'm...""Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "I'm terribly sorry...""Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me...""The gall of you people! I don't give them anything, so why should I give it to you!"
Free haircuts travel bag
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A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God?s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God?s work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
Can I take his place? travel bag
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An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. "So, what is it?" grumbled the governor. "Judge Garber has just died" said the attorney, "and I want to take his place." The governor replied: "Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the undertaker."
Lawyers on a flight travel bag
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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," came the reply, "except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards."
Are you talking to me? travel bag
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At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question." "Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
Hows business? travel bag
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Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night."How?s business?" asked the first."Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper."
Two lawyers met at a cocktail party late one night."How?s business?" asked the first."Rotten," replied the other. "Yesterday, I chased an ambulance for twenty miles. When I finally caught up to it, there were already two other lawyer hanging on to the bumper."
2008年6月15日星期日
Taking it with you travel bag
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A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you."After much thought and consideration, the old ambulance-chaser finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died. He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan: When he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."
Translation troubles travel bag
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A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina."What did he say?" asked the Ranger.The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. Finally, a reward was offered for his capture, and an enterprising Texas ranger decided to track him down.After a lengthy search, he traced the bandit to his favorite cantina, snuck up behind him, put his trusty six-shooter to the bandit's head, and said, "You're under arrest. Tell me where you hid the loot or I'll blow your brains out."But the bandit didn't speak English, and the Ranger didn't speak Spanish. Fortunately, a bilingual lawyer was in the saloon and translated the Ranger's message. The terrified bandit blurted out, in Spanish, that the loot was buried under the oak tree in back of the cantina."What did he say?" asked the Ranger.The lawyer answered, "He said 'Get lost, you turkey. You wouldn't dare shoot me.'"
Honesty travel bag
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An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. She began to interview young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me $15,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
Humor about Irish Marriages travel bag
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Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food. "Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?" "Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
Some years ago, Michael J. Flanagan, a successful New York contractor, was standing on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry when a car got loose and sent him into the river where he drowned. The following Sunday his widow, all decked out in deepest black, was standing on the church steps after Mass, receiving condolences and enjoying every minute of it, when an old friend of the contractor came up. "I'm sorry, Mary, for your trouble," offered the friend. "Did Mike leave you well fixed?" "Oh, he did!" she said. "He left me almost a half million dollars." "Well now, that's not bad for a man who couldn't read or write." "Nor swim either," added the widow.
The American tourist in Dublin had been complaining a great deal about the food. "Here," he said to the waitress holding out a piece of meat for inspection, "do you call that pig?" "Which end of the fork, sir?" the waitress asked sweetly.
Humor about Dumb Irishmen travel bag
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The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
Monahan stumbled into a saloon, half crocked. "Say," he said to the bartender, "how tall is a penguin?" "About two and a half feet." "Thank God!" cried Monahan. "I thought I ran over a nun!"
Humor about Drunk Irishmen travel bag
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Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room. The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left. Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions. When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT , opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool. The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"
For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. 字串9 Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Casey McCarthy had just arrived in New York City and was amazed at the enormity of everything. Having drunk a pint or two on the flight over, he sorely needed to relieve himself. The first door he entered happened to be a large health club, and he asked the clerk if he might use the men's room. The clerk said certainly and told Casey the men's room was the third door down the corridor on the left. Now Casey, trying to appear sober, weaved his way down the hallway remembering some of the directions. When he reached the third door, he turned RIGHT , opened the door and immediately fell into the deep end of a pool. The clerk, realizing Casey's mistake, ran down the hall and burst through the door, prepared to save him, and heard Casey shout, "Don't flush, I'm in here!"
For a holiday, Mulvaney decided to go to Switzerland to fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn. He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men were caught in a snow slide. 字串9 Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a keg of brandy tied under his chin. "Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!" "Yeah," said Mulvaney. "An' look at the size of the dog that's bringin' it!"
Humor about Irish Pubs travel bag
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Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window! "OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North""Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were over the English Channel now. The air is much cooler here. Just head in a north easterly direction." 字串4 Thirty minutes Later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?" Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Were over the Ballymun flats. Quick...Bank left here and you should be on Course for Runway One. Paddy, Responds and 5 minutes later the plane lands safely on Runway One. Paddy turns to Mick and says: "That was Brilliant...But...Tell Me . How did you know we were over the Ballymun Flats". "Well!" said Mick...When I pulled my hand back in.. My Watch was Gone!"
An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him. 字串9 Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."
Setting the scene, Ballymun outside of Dublin has a reputation as a rough spot) Fifteen minutes into Aer Lingus Flight EI109 from Madrid to Dublin the Plane encounters a serious problem with the Instrument landing systems. In a Fit of Panic, Paddy the Pilot turns to his co-Pilot and says. "Jazus Mick...Well have to turn back...none of the equipment is working!." Mick says to Paddy; "No Problem...Sure I can tell where we are by sticking my hand out the Window! "OK!" says Paddy, "Where are we then?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Well Paddy, I reckon were over the Bay of Biscay. The humidity seems to be gone out of the air. This is caused by the seawater. Just Head North""Brilliant!" replies Paddy, and precedes north bound. Fifteen Minutes later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?"Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; " Were over the English Channel now. The air is much cooler here. Just head in a north easterly direction." 字串4 Thirty minutes Later Paddy asks: " Where are we now Mick?" Mick winds down the window and sticks his hand out and replies; "Were over the Ballymun flats. Quick...Bank left here and you should be on Course for Runway One. Paddy, Responds and 5 minutes later the plane lands safely on Runway One. Paddy turns to Mick and says: "That was Brilliant...But...Tell Me . How did you know we were over the Ballymun Flats". "Well!" said Mick...When I pulled my hand back in.. My Watch was Gone!"
An American tourist was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him. 字串9 Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars anyway."
Leprechaun Jokes travel bag
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Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.The Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman, his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with fish. The Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all eternity."Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF! there was a huge wall around England.The Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so that nothing can get in or out."The Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
Jokes about St. Patricks Day travel bag
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McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
"Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece ?" "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"
Jokes about the Irish travel bag
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Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!"
Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."
Pat and Mick landed themselves a job at a sawmill. Just before morning tea Pat yelled: "Mick! I lost me finger!" "Have you now?" says Mick. "And how did you do it?" "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi... Darn! There goes another one!"
Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have...Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."
2008年6月10日星期二
On Courtesy travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag If you are courteous to other people, you have good manners. Here are some ways to be courteous. Shake hands when you meet someone new. Let other people have a turn when using public facilities. If you need help or want some thing, ask politely. Be quiet when someone is sleeping. Share your tools with your friends when you are not using them. If you accidentally hurt someone, be sure to apologize. If you know how and when to say 'How do you do?’, 'Thank you', ‘please’, and ‘I'm sorry’, your everyday life will be much happier.
On Cooperation travel bag
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Families specialize in their tasks by dividing the work among the different members according to what they are best qualified to do. For example, mothers cook, children wash dishes and make beds, fathers mow the grass and paint the house. By doing the same thing again and again, and by close cooperation, a family is able to work faster and get more work done than if just one do many kinds of tasks. Similarly, it is 'cooperation' that make our complicated modern society work.
Families specialize in their tasks by dividing the work among the different members according to what they are best qualified to do. For example, mothers cook, children wash dishes and make beds, fathers mow the grass and paint the house. By doing the same thing again and again, and by close cooperation, a family is able to work faster and get more work done than if just one do many kinds of tasks. Similarly, it is 'cooperation' that make our complicated modern society work.
Taking Risks travel bag
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Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Some people take the view that sometimes in life we have to take chances in order to make progress. I admire such people. It certainly takes guts to take risks. Maybe it's because of my upbringing, but I am the type who usually plays it safe.
People like me prefer the saying, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Conservative as it may be, it keeps me out of trouble. I must confess, however, that leading such a moderate life may, at times, be boring. Admittedly, my life is not half as colorful or exciting as other people's but at least it gives me a sense of security.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Some people take the view that sometimes in life we have to take chances in order to make progress. I admire such people. It certainly takes guts to take risks. Maybe it's because of my upbringing, but I am the type who usually plays it safe.
People like me prefer the saying, "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Conservative as it may be, it keeps me out of trouble. I must confess, however, that leading such a moderate life may, at times, be boring. Admittedly, my life is not half as colorful or exciting as other people's but at least it gives me a sense of security.
On Bravery travel bag
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We often do not take much notice of the people around us who on public service jobs. These people are train station workers, airline stewardess, firemen, policemen, bus drivers, taxi drivers and soldiers. Only during some accident these people are then the first ones to come to our aid and sometimes at the risk of their own lives. Recently, I saw a big fire in a ten-story apartment house where firemen worked under great danger. Luckily in this case no one was hurt. Each of us have within us the essence of bravery available on our everyday job, or just going to school, or at home. Soldiers are called to show bravery in defending their country from aggression. Sometimes during a national disaster such as an earthquake or typhoon soldiers are called to help show bravery and strength.
We often do not take much notice of the people around us who on public service jobs. These people are train station workers, airline stewardess, firemen, policemen, bus drivers, taxi drivers and soldiers. Only during some accident these people are then the first ones to come to our aid and sometimes at the risk of their own lives. Recently, I saw a big fire in a ten-story apartment house where firemen worked under great danger. Luckily in this case no one was hurt. Each of us have within us the essence of bravery available on our everyday job, or just going to school, or at home. Soldiers are called to show bravery in defending their country from aggression. Sometimes during a national disaster such as an earthquake or typhoon soldiers are called to help show bravery and strength.
City and Country Life travel bag
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Life in the city is very different from life in the villages and on the farms. People in large cities are much more careful to respect the privacy of the individual. Sometimes this feeling seems to be one of indifference, but it is a convention of city life to curb one's curiosity about the personal affairs of strangers. Villagers and farmers are likely to show a great deal of interest in all their neighbors. Opportunities for bright young people are greater in the cities and there has been a steady stream of hopeful jobseekers from the villages and farms to the large metropolitan areas.
Life in the city is very different from life in the villages and on the farms. People in large cities are much more careful to respect the privacy of the individual. Sometimes this feeling seems to be one of indifference, but it is a convention of city life to curb one's curiosity about the personal affairs of strangers. Villagers and farmers are likely to show a great deal of interest in all their neighbors. Opportunities for bright young people are greater in the cities and there has been a steady stream of hopeful jobseekers from the villages and farms to the large metropolitan areas.
The Working Man travel bag
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In a complex society there are many jobs which must be done to keep the society running smoothly. There must be many kinds of factory workers, salesmen, mechanics, policemen, firemen, miners, secretaries, bookkeepers, bus drivers and many other workers. All these people are important to the comfort and safety of our everyday lives.
In a complex society there are many jobs which must be done to keep the society running smoothly. There must be many kinds of factory workers, salesmen, mechanics, policemen, firemen, miners, secretaries, bookkeepers, bus drivers and many other workers. All these people are important to the comfort and safety of our everyday lives.
What you want to be when you grow up travel bag
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This question and another similar question, 'Have you decided what you will do after you finish school? , were among the most common questions people often asked me when I was a small child and then a student in school. Choosing the right career is very important. For this reason we should try to find out what our talents and interests are and how we can use them. There are many careers open to each of us. Many persons find their place in government service, and many others may de interested in going into the business world. Teaching, newspaper work, medicine, engineering, science------ these and many other fields offer fascinating careers to persons with talent and training.
This question and another similar question, 'Have you decided what you will do after you finish school? , were among the most common questions people often asked me when I was a small child and then a student in school. Choosing the right career is very important. For this reason we should try to find out what our talents and interests are and how we can use them. There are many careers open to each of us. Many persons find their place in government service, and many others may de interested in going into the business world. Teaching, newspaper work, medicine, engineering, science------ these and many other fields offer fascinating careers to persons with talent and training.
The Humanities travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag Since I was an elementary school student, I have been doing a great deal of reading and writing. I like philosophy, politics, and science as well as fairy tales. I study history carefully, especially the history about our own people and country. It is always enjoyable to sit on the grass in an open sir place reading my books. It is quite natural and clear to me that my major in college will be one of the humanities. I imagine that a career in teaching humanities will be challenging and attractive. One day when I hold conversations with young students in classroom or any place, we will discuss a philosophy of life, ways of thinking, the idea of democracy, ideas of right and wrong, and ideas of beauty.
My Career Plan travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag During my high school years, I have found chemistry, physics, and mathematics interesting. Actually, I am interested in many subjects such as biology, history, geography, Chinese, and English. But somehow I cannot remember the historical events or the facts about geography in detail. I cannot remember biological terms well, either. On the other hand, chemistry, physics, and mathematics are easy for me because they seem logical to me. After considering my interests and talents I feel that science or engineering might be the best choice for my career. I would like to study science or engineering in college. After graduation from college I hope to go for higher education overseas. Eventually I would like to return to school to teach. This is my career plan.
2008年6月3日星期二
Where is the Winner travel bag
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Customer: This lobster's only got one claw. Waiter: I guess he's been in a fight, sir. Customer: Well, bring me the winner.
Customer: This lobster's only got one claw. Waiter: I guess he's been in a fight, sir. Customer: Well, bring me the winner.
The Crowded Store travel bag
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It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again. As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line,” That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again. As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line,” That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
Sooner or later travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.Judge: Have you ever stolen things?Thief: Oh, now and then.Judge: And where have you stolen these things?Thief: Oh, here and there.Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?Judge: Oh, sooner or later.
Bad Drivers travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag There’s a senior citizen driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!"Herman says, "I know, I’m on Route 280 but there isn’t just one, there are hundreds!"
An opponent lost his head travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag While making a long, dull speech, a politician received a great deal of heckling(诘问) from the gallery. Secondly, someone threw a cabbage onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen," said the politician , "I see that one of my opponents has lost his head."
Do You Know My Work？travel bag
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One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
One night a hotel caught fire， and the people who were staying in it ran out in their night clothes．
Two men stood outside and looked at the fire．
“Before I came out，” said one，“I ran into some of the rooms and found a lot of money． People don't think of money when they're afraid． When anyone leaves paper money in a fire， the fire burns it． So I took all the bills that I could find．No one will be poorer because I took them．”
“You don't know my work，” said the other．
“What is your work？”
“I'm a policeman．
“Oh！” cried the first man． He thought quickly and said，“And do you know my work？”“No，”said the policeman．
“I'm a writer． I'm always telling stories about things that never happened．”
Bedtime Prayers travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy." Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?" And Julie replied, "Because that’s what I put in my geography exam!"
Jesus’s Telly travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what’s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that’s their telly," replied the tot.
Stupid Question travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
"Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily. But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?"
Why he couldn't leave? travel bag
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There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."
"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."
There was a meeting with a large number of people. At first the speaker was very interesting, but as time went on, he became very boring. Finally when he was through, there was only one man sitting in the large room.
The speaker walked up to the man and said, "Thank you for hearing me out when all the others left the room."
"Oh! Don't mention it!" replied the man, "I cannot leave because I am the next speaker."
what's puberty travel bag
travel bag factory travel bag duffel bag One evening, in the midst of dinner preparation, our 10-year-old daughter asked, "Mommy, what's puberty?" My wife was rushed at the moment, so she suggested that Peggy look up the word in the dictionary, after which they could talk about it. A few minutes later, Peggy returned. Her mother asked what the dictionary had said. "Puberty means," announced Peggy, "the earliest age at which a girl is able to bear children." "What do you think of that?" my wife asked. "I'm not sure," Peggy relied. "I've always been able to bear children. It's adults I can't bear.".
the swimmer travel bag
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The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
The teacher told the class the story of a man who swam a river three times before breakfast.
Johnny laughed.
"Do you doubt that a good swimmer could do that?" asked the teacher.
"No, sir," answered Johnny, "but I wonder why he did not swim it four times and get back to the side where his clothes were."
big business talking travel bag
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A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
A young business man had just started his business, and rented a beautiful office. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear busy, the businessman picked up the phone and pretended that he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally, he hung up and asked the visitor. "Can I help you?" The man said, "Sure. I've come to install the phone."
2008年6月2日星期一
New Year Resolution travel bag
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Hoping to excite student interest in our reading center, I asked each teacher to write a New Year's resolution on a special form and send it to me. After I posted the resolutions on the bulletin board in the reading center, one young teacher stopped by, looked at them for a few minutes, then left abruptly. Passing two teachers on their way in, she stormed, "My resolution isn't posted - and mine was one of the first ones in!" I couldn't help but overhear, and the tone of her voice sent me flying to my desk in rearch of a misplaced resolution. Looking rapidly through stacks of papers, I uncovered hers. It read, "I resolve not to let little things upset me. "
Hoping to excite student interest in our reading center, I asked each teacher to write a New Year's resolution on a special form and send it to me. After I posted the resolutions on the bulletin board in the reading center, one young teacher stopped by, looked at them for a few minutes, then left abruptly. Passing two teachers on their way in, she stormed, "My resolution isn't posted - and mine was one of the first ones in!" I couldn't help but overhear, and the tone of her voice sent me flying to my desk in rearch of a misplaced resolution. Looking rapidly through stacks of papers, I uncovered hers. It read, "I resolve not to let little things upset me. "
Ground Rules travel bag
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Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're still running."
Ground Rules
One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they're still running."
Warning travel bag
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Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
Warning
Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my husband and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn't you?" I teased.
"Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?"
Real Play travel bag
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When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater's current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television."
He Was Only Wrong by Two travel bag
travel bag factory trolley bag laptop bag travel bag duffel bag Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren't always smart enought to be accepted by the college.
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I'd better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn't know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what's five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I'd better ask him a few questions first."
Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn't know any of the answers.
At last the dean said, "Well, what's five times seven?"
The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."
The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."
Napoleon Was Ill travel bag
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Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year.
"He's a good boy," said Jack's father, "and if you let him pass this time, I'm sure he'll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well."
"No, no, that's quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn't know!"
"Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack's father. "You see, I'm afraid we don't take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill."
A Fine Match travel bag
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A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
A Fine Match
One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse."
The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!
2008年5月29日星期四
Asking for a Raise travel bag
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At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn't bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager's secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a raise again?"
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At the radio station where I worked, the manager called me into his office to preview a new sound-effects package we were considering purchasing. He closed the door so we wouldn't bother people in the outer office.
After listening to a few routine sound effects, we started playing around with low moans, maniacal screams, hysterical laughter, pleading and gunshots. When I finally opened the door and passed the manager's secretary, she looked up and inquired, "Asking for a raise again?"
Roses for My Wife travel bag
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On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.
"Are these for your wife, sir?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"For her birthday?" she asked.
"No," I replied.
"For your anniversary?"
"No," I said again.
As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "I hope she forgives you."
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On the way home one night, I spotted some fresh-cut roses outside a florist's shop. After selecting a dozen and entering the shop, I was greeted by a young saleswoman.
"Are these for your wife, sir?" she asked.
"Yes," I said.
"For her birthday?" she asked.
"No," I replied.
"For your anniversary?"
"No," I said again.
As I pocketed my change and headed toward the door, the young woman called out, "I hope she forgives you."
Weather Predict travel bag
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A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
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A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day it rained.
A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day there was a hailstorm.
"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.
However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.
Finally the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I'm depending on you. What will the weather be like?"
The Indian shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know," he said. "Radio is broken."
Jonesie The Great Lion Hunter travel bag
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trolley bag laptop bag computer bag travel bag duffel bag A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
trolley bag laptop bag computer bag travel bag duffel bag A small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. So its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, Jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
For several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. Finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. Draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
In the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. As they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. There was no sign of the lion.
"What happened, Jonesie? Where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"Forget the damn lion!" he howled. "Which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
A Mistake travel bag
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
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A Mistake
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident. They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St. Peter explained that there had been a mistake. "Give me $500 each," he said, "and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"Done!" said the American. Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"Where are the others?" asked a medic.
"Last I knew," said the American, "the Scot was haggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
The World's Greatest Swordsman travel bag
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The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. "Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!" "Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
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The World's Greatest Swordsman
At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. "Why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "You missed!" "Ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
Did You Know Him? travel bag
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Did You Know Him?
At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.
"I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"
"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."
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Did You Know Him?
At a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. One of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.
"I sure was!" answered the host. "He's the biggest jerk I've ever met. Did you know him too?"
"Sort of," replied the guest. "My mother married him last Saturday."
Raccoons travel bag
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Part of my job at the state fish and wildlife department is to lend equipment to residents for trapping and relocating raccoons. A man who had been successful at capturing one of the animals called to ask whether raccoons mated for life. He said his daughter was worried that they might have separated a monogamous couple.
"I don't know why she's so concerned," he added. "She's been married three times."
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Part of my job at the state fish and wildlife department is to lend equipment to residents for trapping and relocating raccoons. A man who had been successful at capturing one of the animals called to ask whether raccoons mated for life. He said his daughter was worried that they might have separated a monogamous couple.
"I don't know why she's so concerned," he added. "She's been married three times."
Response Ability travel bag
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An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
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briefcase document bag portfolio hydration pack water bag
backpack cooler bag shopping bag tote bag handbag
drawstring backpack school bag pencil bag
An Ogden, Iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. When asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "It's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
Philosopher Bertrand Russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "Of course not. After all, I may be wrong."
A newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "If a fire broke out in the Louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"The winning reply was: "The one nearest the exit."
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